On Friday night, six young hearts
Hearts which cared, but tired of lies
Lies they live, of fake smiles
Smiles they gave, hiding their cries.
Cries they heard, of their mourning soul
Soul which sought, an escape to breathe
Breath they did, now of morning smog
Smog killing them like venomous treat.
Treat they want, now of pure love
Love they did, this idea of adventure
Adventure it was, to decide it first
First road trip and night trek, to feel the nature
Nature did save, but was not just that
That night they walked, like there is no end
End but they wanted to reach, of that hill
Hill so high, with bushes and lots of bend
Bend they did, their head crawling and climbed
Climbed and climbed, but found no end
End they saw, not of their misery now
Now breathing hard, whispering low, wish they did for a dear godsend.
Godsend miracle, was that they thought
Thought of seeing a glimpse of top
Top they reached, with few more steps
Steps they counted, three two one and stop
Stop they did, both walk and breathe
Breath taking it was to lay there on rock so old
Old bags theirs fell, now started to fight
Fight for warmth, as was midnight two and freezing cold.
Cold and shivering, with palms turned pale from pink
Pink Floyd’s maroon, music was now bliss
Bliss but cold, they couldn’t bear no more
More they wished now their loves’ kiss
Kiss they did, for one held matchbox so high
High fis and laughter echoing their joy
Joy soon faded, as nothing they found to burn it now
Now not giving yet they did find a way.. Oh boy!!
Boy what fun they had, collecting scattered hays
Hays and papers, firing in cozy place
Place where now they waited for
For morning sun and first kiss of fog
Fog covered around was like standing in cloud
Cloud nine they were on like angels above
Above they saw beyond the sky
Sky smiling with reward for all did bow
Bow their head with respect and love
Love they did, god’s creation now they felt
Felt like lords of this world
World a fool, is ignorant of this mystic view.
PS: thanks to leo for correcting the mistakes:)...
PSS: thanks to Pavan for the pic :
http://pavankr.wordpress.com/category/tour-diaries/
57 comments:
yay yay yay!!
Am the first one!
you are too good in writing poems like this!
Ending of the previous para and the beginning of the next with the same word! that's certainly something!
I loved it!!
Keep smiling!
@Shruti-
its loop style dear:)...thank u :)...this time it came properly ...glad u liked it:)...abcb rhyme too:)..:)!!..he he
u too dear:)...keep smiling:)...
Hi ...another loop poetry..:) soo good ..I liked the feelings and expressions that ruled the lines ..:) ..loved it ..keep going gal..:)
wow...sheer awesome poetry! luv the verses and fog para was simply nice!:) keep the good work
HaRy
I loved this poem!! Great Going! Keep It Up!
Hey..may i know ur name plz..:)..i used to call u yellow yulip, would like to call u by ur name ..and also..wanna know the name of this young and brilliant poetess..:)
@ Pramoda-
thank u dear:)...glad u liked it:)
@ HaRy -
thank u dear:)..glad u liked it:)..
hope to improve more:)
@ Sapphire-
thank u dear:)...
@ Pramoda-
thank u dear:)..i'm Nanditha...:)..n hey i'm jus learning still:)...
An excellent poem from an excellent poet. Much thought must have gone into this. Brilliant.
Yvonne
Wowww...I love loop poetry ..! I cud neva manage to finish one..:(
You are very creative Dear..:) Beautifully written..!
Wowww :d Loop Poem :D Fabulous Work Dear :D Extremely Loved This Poem A Lot :D :) You Have Excellent Talents :D Pursue With These Talents Forever :) :)
You Are Very Creative :) :)
@ Yvonne-
thank u dear:)...actually it was one of my experience ...when i got the word fog this was the first thing which came to my mind:)
@ Vyshu-
even u can dear...its quite easy only:)...thanks to leo who told me all rules in detail as u see i have messed with first one:)...
thank u a lot:)..glad u liked it:)
@ Creativity-
wow i'm flattered :)...thank u dear:)..its my hobby surely wod not stop...like to improve my writes:)..glad u liked it dear:)
Lovely :)
Loop poems are so interesting to read.
Kudos..keep up the good work!
wow that was awesome!!u r too good.
ahhh..just loved it...
wil b bak for more...:)
tk cre dear...
ahhh..just loved it...
wil b bak for more...:)
tk cre dear...
Lovely words and photo. Interesting to learn that this was a memory...
the first verse struck me!
*lies they live of fake smiles
smiles they gave, hiding their cries * OMG. bless ur brain!
@Sugar Cube-
thank u dear:)
@Ria -
thank u dear;)..glad u liked it:)
@rimz-
thank u dear:)..glad u enjoyed it
@Tumblewords-
thank u dear:)..ya one of my best treks so far:)..
@Wana-
he he:)..thank u dear:)..i'm happy to know u liked it:)
What an interesting tale. Beautiful allegory. Thanks.
miss tulip you are an amazing
poet. this poem is a beauty -
a myth - i was overwhelmed whlle
reading this mystical poem.
@ SandyCarlson-
thank u dear:)
@ Nadege-
thank u sir:)..i'm really glad u liked it:)...
loved those lines...
the loop was fantastically woven..
nice style too..
:)
Beautifully done!!
@ Vinz-
thank u dear:)..
@ Jal Pari-
thank u dear:)
cute...
@ pinkZz-
thank u dear::)
wow..i love it!!...its really beautiful..
@ Shraddha-
thank u dear:)...glad u liked it:)
Very interesting....never knew "loop poetry" existed. You are so good at it.
Very interesting....never knew "loop poetry" existed. You are so good at it.
@ swapnap-
thank u dear:)...glad u liked it:)
What a beautiful and emotional poem. I love the way you continue the last word on the next line. Very creative.
@ Write Girl-
thank u dear glad u liked it:)
Awesome loop poetry! You're amazing at this :) BTW: You have been tagged at my blog
stunning write! Your words tell a wonderful tale of deepening, sharing, caring, joining, unfolding, celebrating. Such a grand journey in your tale. Fantastic!
Such a stunning well crafted love poem. Thank you for introducing this new form to me! you are truly a master of it.
Are you planning to publish a book in future? Cause, I think you should :)
You're amazing !! :)
Take Care! ♥♥
@ roshwrites -
thank u dear:)...eill surely look at tat:)
@ Tammie Lee-
thank u dear:)...
@ gabrielle-
nothin dear:)...thank u for visiting here:)...i myself yet have lot to learn:)
@ Cursed♪♫ -
thank u dear:)...i dont know about future dear:)...but i enjoy writing:)...hope one day i might :)....thank u :)
hawwwww why did i miss this? shux i feel guilty now :(
this is magnificence at its peak!
yet another smart loop poetry piece..keep going!
@ Americanising Desi-
thank u sooo much dear:)..
@ swapnap-
thank u dear:)
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